She comes every month, but frankly, she's not invited.

Womanhood, and how it Makes me Feel Guilty

I’ll never forget the girl who was hanging out in my dorm room and started giving the party (yes, it was a PARTY) a lecture about how wonderful it is to menstruate.  She was the type of girl with a shaved head and  large earrings, who ran multiple miles every day while communing with nature, wrote essays on feminism, and who apparently also thought that menstruating was a beautiful part of womanhood.  I remember getting a pang of guilt in that moment.  And it’s never completely gone away.

You see, I take the pill continuously.  The goal is for my hormones to stay as rock-steady as possible, without even a dip or a bump.  Because in my world, dips and bumps turn into pits of despair.  And so I never take the little white placebo pills, and I rarely get my period.


I haven’t missed it. Not even once.

I can’t help but feel sometimes that I was never really “in the club” as far as womanhood is concerned.  So many women grow up excited to have children,  revelling in their sexuality, comfortable with their cycle, referring to PMS simply as the day when they have a good cry.  What is wrong with me? The whole womanhood thing has really only left me feeling kinda traumatized.

How about you? If you never got your period again, would you mind? Do you revel in your womanhood?


2 responses

  1. Outside of one day I might want kids… no I have never been in that club… as you notice, I said might…. and well needless to say, I am getting on the “old” side to “have” my first kid. I was never excited for flo’s visit… I was the one to keep it secret when I did get it. As for having a “good” cry… it isn’t flo that makes me cry or hormones… I am just a weeper… I am a sappy person who gets emotional anytime of the month from a movie, a book or a hallmark card. Can’t blame it on flo… just the way I am. 🙂 This looks like it is going to be fun. Thanks for blogging!

    May 19, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    • Thanks for checking out my blog. There’s certainly nothing quite like a good cry! We all need one every once in a while. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having babies, or wanting to have them. I just take issue with the reproductive system behind the babies, that’s all 😉

      I hope your dream for children “might” come true someday!

      May 19, 2011 at 7:09 pm

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